Kevin Durant is a simple man. I don’t mean that disparagingly, at least not completely. Durant is – by literally every single account ever – humble. He praises his teammates, even when it’s unnecessary, he introduces himself as “Kevin,” and he gives all praises to God. He also puzzlingly nicknamed himself “The Servant” and has yet to get a good haircut since becoming a millionaire. Like a farmer in the 1940s, he’d be great to go to war with but terrible to bring along to a night club. In a word, he’s swaggerless. Swagger is hubris; swagger is giving yourself the nickname, “The King of Pop.” Swagger is airballing a layup in your own music video.
Berekeley and Basedworld rapper Lil B has had an ongoing tiff with the Oklahoma City Thunder captain since 2011 (around the time of Illusions of Grandeur and Bitch Mob), when Durant was confronted with Lil B’s popularity. Durant, knowing nothing of the levels of Based, dismissed B, calling him “wack.” Lil B responded by challenging the seven-foot (listed 6’9″) MVP candidate to a game of one-on-one, saying he would quit rap if he (5’6″, slightly uncoordinated) lost. B also put “THE BASEDGODS CURSE” on Durant, claiming he wouldn’t win a title. The curse was briefly lifted after Durant and the Thunder lost the 2012 NBA Finals, but now it seems it’s as real as the Curse of the Billy Goat.
It’s hard to pinpoint how the curse returned, but it might have had to do with Durant nearly having this year’s NBA MVP trophy in his hands and Lil B being a marketing genius. So with his upcoming Hoop Life mixtape, The BasedGod dropped a video for his song, “Fuck KD.” The song takes the Cool & Dre beat from DJ Khaled’s 2007 star-studded street single “Brown Paper Bag.” In it, B challenges Durant once again, compares himself to Dirk Nowitzki and Latrell Spreewell, and hollers at WNBA players1. The video is filmed at a gym where Lil B shows off his cute and collectible basketball moves.
I’m sure at some point (if not already) this will make its way to Kevin Durant’s awareness. Being the bamma that he is, however, Durant will most likely think he’s the one laughing at Lil B. Durant won’t realize the levels of based consciousness and that the world is laughing at him because this is catchy as hell. KD could’ve ended all this if he just dropped buckets on Lil B like Melo vs Nigeria, rather than duck the challenge and say he wouldn’t come to Oakland, even though his team plays there twice a year. Instead, he just lost to the worst Lakers team in history, will (might) lose the MVP race because Russell Westbrook is taking his possessions again and the Heat are trying, and won’t win the NBA title because his coach sucks and his team doesn’t close out on shooters. Kevin Durant is fucked and his music is worse than Lil B’s jump shot.